As I said in my last post, this is a topic that I feel very strongly about. It really upsets me to see parents not exercise the same level of care in choosing a dance educator for their child (any extracurricular falls into this in my opinion) that they would exercise in selecting a mechanic for their car or plumber for their home. With that in mind, I don't think that parents are uncaring as much as uneducated about the difference. At least, I was initially.
1. Staying in a studio too long. In any educational process, students need change and the type of school they need will evolve over time. What may be the most suitable school in the early years of a child's dance training, will most likely not be a fit in five years. There are exceptions to these rules, and it is important that we as parents are doing a reality check with our children to make sure that their needs are being met. Ask the question--is your child still being challenged? Does the school's alunmi achievements align with your child's goals? Is your child the best in the school--not a good thing? Does your child feel like they have to work harder to achieve their goals in that school or is it "okay" to skip a class here and there--APATHY ALERT.
I always tell my kids that my job is to help them get where they want to go, while keeping as many options open to them as long as I can. As we age, opportunities close off to us--for example, a girl who is 14 that wants to start Gymnastics has missed her chance to be an Olympic Gymnast. But, she may be able to learn tumbling and make the cheerleading squad. Our challenge as parents is to help them understand the realities before them and find the best way to achieve their dream whatever it may be.
2. Engage your child in discussions about their dance dreams. Does your child long to be on Dancing With the Stars, So You Think You Can Dance, dance on a cruise ship, or take the stage at The Met, maybe they want to just make the dance team at school, perform in a school play, or go to medical school? Expose them to all the different opportunities in dance and life and see what piques their interest. Once you know their goals, do your best to get them the training that will help them achieve that objective but not prevent them from achieving a different kind of dance dream if they change their mind.
3. Develop a training plan. I know it sounds over-the-top, but it's necessary and it's an essential tool in evaluating your current studio. Aspiring dancers train at the same level as elite level athletes. Elite level athletes have training plans for achieving their goals. I would encourage you to work with your child, and his/her coach to come up with one. If the coach is not available, see if there is a mentor that you can work with to come up with a plan. An older/former student who has achieved the goal that your child is pursuing. I will write more later on what a training plan should look like.
4. Safety. From time to time, dancers get injured. Unfortunately, this happens. But, look at the school's overall injury rate. If there are a lot of injuries occurring in class proportionately speaking, it could indicate, training deficits. Perhaps the flooring is improper, maybe children are not shown the proper muscles to engage when working at the barre, in some cases, students may be asked to execute technique without the proper physical development. All of these should be of paramount importance to a parent. Professional dancing aspirations aside, our knees, hips, ankles, and backs need to last us a lifetime. Don't let somebody expose your child to unnecessary injury. Don't be afraid to ask about injuries and injury prevention. If the studio is completely lost with that question, that would suggest that it is a topic they do not actively consider. They definitely should.
5. Teaching Methods and Styles. What are the teaching styles at the studio and perhaps more importantly do they mesh with your child's learning style? Are the teachers nurturing, loving, disciplined, structured, sticklers for details, aloof, negative, do they lavish praise or do they give it like a special dessert served with a celebratory meal. All of these methods work. Some, in my opinion, are more effective than others. Some work better with young ones, other methods work better with teenagers. What works best with your child? Does the teacher seem to have that capacity within his personality?
There is a lot more to choosing a dance studio. As I mentioned in my last post, choosing a studio is a deeply personal process and there are lots of elements to consider. I will continue to share them, but in the meantime, take some time and ask yourself how your studio measures up to these criteria. If they fall short, you may want to consider looking around and it may just be the justification as to why your child has been unhappy with their training. On the other hand, if most of these needs are met, you might still be unhappy...if that's the case, try to articulate what is missing. Can you find it in your current studio? Or, is it time to shop around?
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Choosing a New Studio
I have been wanting to talk about something that really concerns me and that's the decision-making process involved in selecting a studio. For each family, it is a deeply personal decision and one that should be made when you consider a wide variety of concerns such as finances, location, styles of dance offered, teaching methods, their objectives and your goals and how the two align, and the all important student--teacher compatibility lastly, and no small matter for the parent, Customer Service. I can probably write twenty pages on selection criteria, because I have very strong opinions on it, but here are some things for starters.
1. Level Placement If you go to a new studio and they offer to put your child in the top level, does that mean that they are that great of a dancer or that their training/growth there will be limited? I would prefer to send my child to a school where there is at least one level above theirs. I have always felt like that means there is room for my child to grow--but, I often find that I am unique in this point of view. I have never understood this mentality, although I am sure there are compelling arguments in support of it. Maybe somebody can enlighten me?
2. Placement Class Along those lines, I often see parents that come into our studio for placement for their child and misguidedly argue when the school tries to put them in a lower level for placement class. The school's contention is that it is always easier to move an "underplaced" student up to the next level, but few students want to come back if they have been placed in a level that is too high for them.
Typically, a placement class is challenging enough regardless of the level. A student is normally struggling just to understand the teacher's nuances, the music is different, the room is different, EVERYTHING is different. When the class is too difficult, the experience is humiliating, demoralizing and embarrassing and in some instances, it can be dangerous. Truthfully, well-intentioned parents who argue for a "more challenging" placement have actually done their child a tremendous disservice. I have never seen a child come back after a bad placement class.
Our school has been burned enough times by braggadocios parents that they have implemented a new policy for their Conservatory placements---if the student is on pointe for a year or more, they go to Class B, if they are not, they go to Class A--NO EXCEPTIONS. It is simple. So far, it seems to work; although I often hear parents saying "But, she is in Level 53 at Bobbi Jean's Twinkly Stars Dance School". Please Listen up... Until you are a professional dancer in a company, level numbers/grades are meaningless outside of your current studio. There is no national certification that all studios go through in this country to verify the consistency of levels. There are some syllabi out there that do have exams; and if a student is moving to a studio that follows that syllabus, then levels will be pretty accurate. But, if there has not been an independent examination, I would be very reluctant to put a lot of credence in a studio's leveling system.
3. When you are shopping for a new studio. Learn to read the bio's of the teachers/directors. Most schools can make their teachers sound pretty amazing; but, as a consumer you need to learn to decode the biographies just like you would an ingredient label for a child with a food sensitivity. Trust me, children are allergic to bad training and sadly there is a lot out there. Here are some tips I have learned and buzzwords to assess:
a. "Piper has studied with Bob Fosse, Mikhail Baryshnikov, Ben Vereen, Fred Astaire and Debbie Reynolds"
Translation: Piper took a class at Steps on Broadway or a dance convention or similar venue and this person was in the room taking class or taught the class to 300 other students. In some cases they may have bought videos and watched the individual. It does not normally mean that this dance legend trained them in the normal teacher/pupil sustained relationship.
What I want to see is something like this: Piper attended XYZ school from 1975-1983 under the direction of Bob the Builder, and while she was there, she was blessed to have among her regular instructors ballet greats Margot Fonteyn and Rudolf Nureyev as her teachers/mentors. Through their loving instruction she was inspired to become a teacher herself upon retirement from "The Greatest Ballet Company in the World".
The second one cites where Piper trained and who her coaches were while she was there as well as offers dates--vanity aside, after all. This biography offers you a way to verify her training as well as establishes a sustained relationship between teacher/coach and student. Please note, Fonteyn and Nureyev were not known for teaching, and unfortunately, they are dead. They are given only as examples.
b. Next, what does it say about the teacher's professional experience? Not necessarily all good teachers danced professionally, nor do all professional dancers make great teachers, but read the biography for red flags that overstate their professional career. Example: "Mary has performed leading roles in such ballets as "The Nutcracker" "Apollo" "Swan Lake" and "Ballet You've Never Heard Of But I Will Throw It Out So You Think I Am Amazing". Her repertoire includes Aurora, Sugarplum Fairy, Giselle, and "another role I have always wanted to do."
Translation: I danced these roles in my student company when I was 12 and everybody thought I was the next Maria Tallchief.
What I like to see is: During her 15 year professional career with "A Nationally Known Professional Company" Mary danced principal roles in such ballets as "Giselle" "Don Quixote" "Swan Lake" and "Nutcracker". "The world's best choreographer" set the role of "Somebody" on her for his ballet "Really Important Piece".
I would love a teacher whose resume says. "Jane trained for 10 years under Edna Jean's School of Ballet. While there she recognized her love of teaching and entered the school's teacher training program and taught pre-ballet and creative movement. After graduation, she performed in the corps of Small Town Ballet and worked in such productions as Giselle, Nutcracker, Swan Lake and Sleeping Beauty, while attending college at University of Well-Known Dance School. Upon graduation, she began teaching at Reputable Ballet School in the children's division. She has been honored to train students who have gone on to dance professionally for such major companies as Big City Company A, Middle City Company B, and Well-Known Contemporary Company C." While not a blue ribbon resume of training it is clear that this teacher probably knows dance and has trained students that have gone on to dance.
Remember: These are resumes for the Hiring Process. You are hiring these individuals to teach your child. If you were hiring them to work for you in a business, you would want to make sure that they had the proper experience to do so--you would verify their education, their previous employment and their experience while employed. Don't assume that your studio has done their due diligence--often times, they are just looking for a person with a smile and a pulse that will teach 30 eight-year olds for $25/hour. Take the time to understand whether these individuals are dance professionals with solid credentials or something other than that. What I look for as a parent is honesty, not an attempt to inflate an instructors qualifications. After I read the resume, I like to have a five minute conversation with the teacher after a placement class. This combined with my child's input from class is the interview. I ask the teacher questions about what he/she sees and I listen not so much for their answers but their conviction. While my child is taking class, I watch the other classes and the older dancers. Do I like the discipline, do I see a progression of levels? Do the dancers appear to be well-trained?
Do not settle for less than the best that you can find. Truthfully, in our area, the difference between the most expensive studio in the area's rate for one class per week and the cheapest is $12/month or $3 per lesson. Basically, that's one cup of coffee per week. I think my child is worth it. How about you?
3. As far as tuition costs for more advanced students, a lot of studios do an unlimited pricing plan. I am a firm believer in the old adage--"you get what you pay for" so look carefully at these and make sure that you are not seduced by the "bargain basement" mentality that so many of us love. Also, make sure that you are aware of the "hidden fees"--recitals, costumes, competitions, performance group fees, and all of the other costs that come along with it.
A side note...Make sure that if your child is preparing for a recital, that technique is not sacrificed at the expense of choreography. It is very common that recital dances are practiced in the classroom. This is fine in younger levels as long as it is a small percentage of time. There is a tremendous benefit to learning choreography and polishing it for a performance. However, if your family has made the decision to not participate in the recital for the "SHOW" your child may spend the next 6 months standing in the back practicing a dance for 45 minutes each class that he will never do. When you think about it in those terms, the "bargain" doesn't look so good.
Here are some questions to ponder when it comes to unlimited tuition plans:
a. How many hours of training per week are available for my child and with what instructors? One studio in our area offers unlimited tuition of $350 per month. On the surface that seems like a great deal (or at least I thought it was worth investigating). But, what I found out is that if my child took every class that was available to her it would only be 12 hours per week, four of those hours were with instructors that I would prefer not work with my child. Another area studio offers up to 26 hours per week (open classes are included) for $425 and has no student instructors (except as an occasional sub). Make sure you are comparing apples to apples.
b. I also want to point out that you want to make sure that the classes that are being offered make sense. For example, an unlimited class schedule that includes stretch, krump, hip hop or Gaga for my kid would be a complete waste of time. My child is GUMBY and nobody wants to see this aspiring ballerina do Krump--well, at least, I don't.
There is so much more I want to say about this subject. I feel as if I am just getting going...so for now, I am just declaring an intermission....Please check back for Act 2.
Typically, a placement class is challenging enough regardless of the level. A student is normally struggling just to understand the teacher's nuances, the music is different, the room is different, EVERYTHING is different. When the class is too difficult, the experience is humiliating, demoralizing and embarrassing and in some instances, it can be dangerous. Truthfully, well-intentioned parents who argue for a "more challenging" placement have actually done their child a tremendous disservice. I have never seen a child come back after a bad placement class.
Our school has been burned enough times by braggadocios parents that they have implemented a new policy for their Conservatory placements---if the student is on pointe for a year or more, they go to Class B, if they are not, they go to Class A--NO EXCEPTIONS. It is simple. So far, it seems to work; although I often hear parents saying "But, she is in Level 53 at Bobbi Jean's Twinkly Stars Dance School". Please Listen up... Until you are a professional dancer in a company, level numbers/grades are meaningless outside of your current studio. There is no national certification that all studios go through in this country to verify the consistency of levels. There are some syllabi out there that do have exams; and if a student is moving to a studio that follows that syllabus, then levels will be pretty accurate. But, if there has not been an independent examination, I would be very reluctant to put a lot of credence in a studio's leveling system.
3. When you are shopping for a new studio. Learn to read the bio's of the teachers/directors. Most schools can make their teachers sound pretty amazing; but, as a consumer you need to learn to decode the biographies just like you would an ingredient label for a child with a food sensitivity. Trust me, children are allergic to bad training and sadly there is a lot out there. Here are some tips I have learned and buzzwords to assess:
a. "Piper has studied with Bob Fosse, Mikhail Baryshnikov, Ben Vereen, Fred Astaire and Debbie Reynolds"
Translation: Piper took a class at Steps on Broadway or a dance convention or similar venue and this person was in the room taking class or taught the class to 300 other students. In some cases they may have bought videos and watched the individual. It does not normally mean that this dance legend trained them in the normal teacher/pupil sustained relationship.
What I want to see is something like this: Piper attended XYZ school from 1975-1983 under the direction of Bob the Builder, and while she was there, she was blessed to have among her regular instructors ballet greats Margot Fonteyn and Rudolf Nureyev as her teachers/mentors. Through their loving instruction she was inspired to become a teacher herself upon retirement from "The Greatest Ballet Company in the World".
The second one cites where Piper trained and who her coaches were while she was there as well as offers dates--vanity aside, after all. This biography offers you a way to verify her training as well as establishes a sustained relationship between teacher/coach and student. Please note, Fonteyn and Nureyev were not known for teaching, and unfortunately, they are dead. They are given only as examples.
b. Next, what does it say about the teacher's professional experience? Not necessarily all good teachers danced professionally, nor do all professional dancers make great teachers, but read the biography for red flags that overstate their professional career. Example: "Mary has performed leading roles in such ballets as "The Nutcracker" "Apollo" "Swan Lake" and "Ballet You've Never Heard Of But I Will Throw It Out So You Think I Am Amazing". Her repertoire includes Aurora, Sugarplum Fairy, Giselle, and "another role I have always wanted to do."
Translation: I danced these roles in my student company when I was 12 and everybody thought I was the next Maria Tallchief.
What I like to see is: During her 15 year professional career with "A Nationally Known Professional Company" Mary danced principal roles in such ballets as "Giselle" "Don Quixote" "Swan Lake" and "Nutcracker". "The world's best choreographer" set the role of "Somebody" on her for his ballet "Really Important Piece".
I would love a teacher whose resume says. "Jane trained for 10 years under Edna Jean's School of Ballet. While there she recognized her love of teaching and entered the school's teacher training program and taught pre-ballet and creative movement. After graduation, she performed in the corps of Small Town Ballet and worked in such productions as Giselle, Nutcracker, Swan Lake and Sleeping Beauty, while attending college at University of Well-Known Dance School. Upon graduation, she began teaching at Reputable Ballet School in the children's division. She has been honored to train students who have gone on to dance professionally for such major companies as Big City Company A, Middle City Company B, and Well-Known Contemporary Company C." While not a blue ribbon resume of training it is clear that this teacher probably knows dance and has trained students that have gone on to dance.
Remember: These are resumes for the Hiring Process. You are hiring these individuals to teach your child. If you were hiring them to work for you in a business, you would want to make sure that they had the proper experience to do so--you would verify their education, their previous employment and their experience while employed. Don't assume that your studio has done their due diligence--often times, they are just looking for a person with a smile and a pulse that will teach 30 eight-year olds for $25/hour. Take the time to understand whether these individuals are dance professionals with solid credentials or something other than that. What I look for as a parent is honesty, not an attempt to inflate an instructors qualifications. After I read the resume, I like to have a five minute conversation with the teacher after a placement class. This combined with my child's input from class is the interview. I ask the teacher questions about what he/she sees and I listen not so much for their answers but their conviction. While my child is taking class, I watch the other classes and the older dancers. Do I like the discipline, do I see a progression of levels? Do the dancers appear to be well-trained?
Do not settle for less than the best that you can find. Truthfully, in our area, the difference between the most expensive studio in the area's rate for one class per week and the cheapest is $12/month or $3 per lesson. Basically, that's one cup of coffee per week. I think my child is worth it. How about you?
3. As far as tuition costs for more advanced students, a lot of studios do an unlimited pricing plan. I am a firm believer in the old adage--"you get what you pay for" so look carefully at these and make sure that you are not seduced by the "bargain basement" mentality that so many of us love. Also, make sure that you are aware of the "hidden fees"--recitals, costumes, competitions, performance group fees, and all of the other costs that come along with it.
A side note...Make sure that if your child is preparing for a recital, that technique is not sacrificed at the expense of choreography. It is very common that recital dances are practiced in the classroom. This is fine in younger levels as long as it is a small percentage of time. There is a tremendous benefit to learning choreography and polishing it for a performance. However, if your family has made the decision to not participate in the recital for the "SHOW" your child may spend the next 6 months standing in the back practicing a dance for 45 minutes each class that he will never do. When you think about it in those terms, the "bargain" doesn't look so good.
Here are some questions to ponder when it comes to unlimited tuition plans:
a. How many hours of training per week are available for my child and with what instructors? One studio in our area offers unlimited tuition of $350 per month. On the surface that seems like a great deal (or at least I thought it was worth investigating). But, what I found out is that if my child took every class that was available to her it would only be 12 hours per week, four of those hours were with instructors that I would prefer not work with my child. Another area studio offers up to 26 hours per week (open classes are included) for $425 and has no student instructors (except as an occasional sub). Make sure you are comparing apples to apples.
b. I also want to point out that you want to make sure that the classes that are being offered make sense. For example, an unlimited class schedule that includes stretch, krump, hip hop or Gaga for my kid would be a complete waste of time. My child is GUMBY and nobody wants to see this aspiring ballerina do Krump--well, at least, I don't.
There is so much more I want to say about this subject. I feel as if I am just getting going...so for now, I am just declaring an intermission....Please check back for Act 2.
Friday, November 4, 2011
Sometimes I Forget to Pee...
Tonight I was preparing dinner (this by itself may be a sign of the coming Apocalypse) and I was stricken by an incredible urge to pee. I mean it was bad, I had to perform a pee pee dance that probably looked roughly like an epileptic seizure (I apologize to my epileptic friends). After I finally made it to the porcelain throne it occurred to me that it was 8:55 pm and that was the first time that I had gone all day. Which brings me to the point...
I lose myself and things that used to be priorities like preparing meals, doing laundry, cleaning house, exercise, manicures, haircuts and shaving my legs seem to have faded into absentia and are now luxuries that I can't seem to afford with my time. I forget to take care of myself. Exhibit A it is 1:01 in the morning and I am winding down by typing. I have been doing laundry, preparing some items for Nutcracker and getting ready for tomorrow's first big competition.
I need to go to bed, but adrenaline seems to be coursing through my veins...(if only it was flowing at 5:30 am when the gym opens). At this hour, I am surfing, "facebooking" and now blogging. All of these activities seem to be in some make shape or form about ballet. This really can't be the sign of a sane individual--but, if you saw me....you would swear I was normal.
This is a short one, hopefully it made you giggle (self deprecation is always good for a laugh), but it is time for me to go to bed, charge my battery for another amazing day at the barre. If only that were truly a misspelled word.
I lose myself and things that used to be priorities like preparing meals, doing laundry, cleaning house, exercise, manicures, haircuts and shaving my legs seem to have faded into absentia and are now luxuries that I can't seem to afford with my time. I forget to take care of myself. Exhibit A it is 1:01 in the morning and I am winding down by typing. I have been doing laundry, preparing some items for Nutcracker and getting ready for tomorrow's first big competition.
I need to go to bed, but adrenaline seems to be coursing through my veins...(if only it was flowing at 5:30 am when the gym opens). At this hour, I am surfing, "facebooking" and now blogging. All of these activities seem to be in some make shape or form about ballet. This really can't be the sign of a sane individual--but, if you saw me....you would swear I was normal.
This is a short one, hopefully it made you giggle (self deprecation is always good for a laugh), but it is time for me to go to bed, charge my battery for another amazing day at the barre. If only that were truly a misspelled word.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
With All Due Respect to the Bard...
To compete or not to compete that is the question...
Prix de Lausanne released its list of selectees on Tuesday. A friend of mine was devastated that her daughter was not on the list--frankly, I am surprised too. But, I also believe it is far from the end of the world as she feels at this moment. By the way, I knew quite a few of the selectees which is pretty amazing. Prix de Lausanne Selectees
There is an independent film out right now that is doing well on the festival circuit--First Position a Ballet Documentary. It follows young dancers from around the world who are preparing for YAGP. I haven't had the opportunity to see it yet, but know a few of the dancers who are in it. I wonder if they show the insanity of the whole experience or if it is a focus on the hard work these kids do to get ready. I have strong opinions and equally mixed emotions on the whole issue of competitions. ALERT...Only read this if you are prepared for brutal honesty and understand that it is my opinion/my observations and my experiences that have brought me to these revelations.
So...Competing SUCKS!!!!! It brings out the absolute worst in most parents. I have seen parents lose it and beat their children because they failed to perform. I have seen parents try to sabotage other kids or worse yet, have their children do so. It brings out our greed, our pettiness, our snobbery, it exploits us where we are weakest (our passion for our own children) and calls upon us to feel like our love is proportionate to the amount that we are prepared to "invest" in our children. As parents, we agonize over competitions, we feel like we are setting our children up for failure if we don't give them the opportunity to compete--after all their friends are competing and getting 2, 4, 6, however many privates per week. We measure ourselves and our value as parents not by the love that we show our kids every day but by how well our kids do at competition.
Surely, if we don't allow them to compete, it will be our faults that they do not become prima ballerina absoluta with His Royal Highness'es Best Company that Ever Existed. As parents we give our decisions a lot of power and credit, in some cases rightly so. But, in this case I am not so sure. When I read the biographies of the principal dancers for the nation and the world's top companies, I don't see a lot of them claiming competition prizes. What I do see is them crediting their educations/their coaches.
As a parent, I have realized that the scholarships offered by these competitions are wonderful, but most students can get them for the cost of a summer intensive audition. Last SI Audition season I took my oldest child to 4 auditions for major American Companies for a total expense of $100 plus gas money. At each audition, he was accepted into the program; and in all but one, he was offered a full tuition scholarship (two offered room and board as well). And before you say, he is a boy that makes it easier, keep in mind that girls from our studio experienced a similar track record--no room and board, but scholarships were available. From there, we selected the "best" school and sent him there--the result..an invitation to study in their year round program on scholarship. As far as a job, this school has an extremely high success rate when it comes to placing their "graduates". The cost for this placement was much less than the money that we spent on YAGP which, by the way, he also received scholarships through. As far as the "Elite International Competitions" the cost for participation in these are, on the conservative side $10,000 to a more realistic $40,000. If I were to consult my financial advisor, I am confident that he/she would steer me in the direction of the $25 Summer Intensive Audition.
Sometimes the placements at competitions make no sense and it's hard to explain that to a child. Especially, when your coach doesn't get it as well. I believe that politics are involved in a lot of competitions, and that is hard to swallow when it comes to our kids. Even when your child wins, they are subject to criticism and the inevitable (well, it's politics, or whatever argument/excuse can be made) and honestly, that may be the case--maybe politics works in my child's favor sometimes and against him at other times. I know for sure politics and the arts rarely make for good bedfellows.
So, with all of that being said...we are coming up on competition season and you will see my kiddos taking the stage. Shocking, I know. Let me tell you why...
1. My kids love it. The reality is that they will most likely never be principal dancers (statistically speaking) with internationally renowned ballet companies, but through participation in YAGP, and other such competitions, they are given the opportunity to perform variations that are traditionally reserved for professional dancers and feel the accolades of the crowd.
2. It is a growing experience. Having chosen an artistic endeavor vs. a sports endeavor, my kids would not have learned the value of competition. If they don't compete, they don't necessarily have the experience of working with a coach and taking ownership of their training, practicing and setting goals and then having an evaluation by an "impartial" panel of experts. There is value to these experiences.
3. I made the decision to get on the crazy train and it is hard to get off. Do you remember The Jetsons? I often feel like Geoge Jetson on the tread mill, screaming.."Jane, Get me off of this crazy thing!" I didn't realize that was the case when we decided to participate in our first competition 3 years ago, but, once you go, you feel a strong compulsion to go back. This is why professional athletes rarely heed the advice to "go out on top." Maybe we all are like Kevin Bacon, "Thank you, sir. May I have another?" fraternity pledge in Animal House. Apparently, a little hazing is good for the soul.
4. There is value to learning that life isn't fair and sometimes no matter how hard you work there is somebody better than you. Often, the student who competes is the best in their school. A little reality check can be therapeutic and to see that other dancers are talented to may encourage a student to work harder, get better training, or study harder in school. None of that is a bad thing.
5. I enjoy watching my children perform. This is my vanity speaking again. I admit it.
6. I love New York in Springtime. Each year, I get to take my children to the Big Apple and spend a week watching ballet. Not everybody's cup of tea I am sure, but, I like it!
7. I love meeting all of the aspiring professional dancers and their families throughout the world.
8. It forces me to be accountable and proactive with my children's training.
In short, the decision to compete is not one that really makes sense to anybody. Most of the parents I know whose kids do compete dislike the insanity; but, it is what it is. For the kids though, it is for the most part fun. It is challenging and it helps them grow. But, for the child who doesn't compete or make it to that all important competition, I would encourage the parent to keep perspective and realize that competitions are not companies; and many of the nations top companies don't approve of competitions. They see it as a distraction that takes away from the beauty and emphasizes tricks/showboating over art, musicality and grace. Competing by no means guarantees a professional career and not competing does not exclude one. There are, in fact, "many roads to Rome." The trick is to choose which lane has the smoothest ride for your vehicle.
Prix de Lausanne released its list of selectees on Tuesday. A friend of mine was devastated that her daughter was not on the list--frankly, I am surprised too. But, I also believe it is far from the end of the world as she feels at this moment. By the way, I knew quite a few of the selectees which is pretty amazing. Prix de Lausanne Selectees
There is an independent film out right now that is doing well on the festival circuit--First Position a Ballet Documentary. It follows young dancers from around the world who are preparing for YAGP. I haven't had the opportunity to see it yet, but know a few of the dancers who are in it. I wonder if they show the insanity of the whole experience or if it is a focus on the hard work these kids do to get ready. I have strong opinions and equally mixed emotions on the whole issue of competitions. ALERT...Only read this if you are prepared for brutal honesty and understand that it is my opinion/my observations and my experiences that have brought me to these revelations.
So...Competing SUCKS!!!!! It brings out the absolute worst in most parents. I have seen parents lose it and beat their children because they failed to perform. I have seen parents try to sabotage other kids or worse yet, have their children do so. It brings out our greed, our pettiness, our snobbery, it exploits us where we are weakest (our passion for our own children) and calls upon us to feel like our love is proportionate to the amount that we are prepared to "invest" in our children. As parents, we agonize over competitions, we feel like we are setting our children up for failure if we don't give them the opportunity to compete--after all their friends are competing and getting 2, 4, 6, however many privates per week. We measure ourselves and our value as parents not by the love that we show our kids every day but by how well our kids do at competition.
Surely, if we don't allow them to compete, it will be our faults that they do not become prima ballerina absoluta with His Royal Highness'es Best Company that Ever Existed. As parents we give our decisions a lot of power and credit, in some cases rightly so. But, in this case I am not so sure. When I read the biographies of the principal dancers for the nation and the world's top companies, I don't see a lot of them claiming competition prizes. What I do see is them crediting their educations/their coaches.
As a parent, I have realized that the scholarships offered by these competitions are wonderful, but most students can get them for the cost of a summer intensive audition. Last SI Audition season I took my oldest child to 4 auditions for major American Companies for a total expense of $100 plus gas money. At each audition, he was accepted into the program; and in all but one, he was offered a full tuition scholarship (two offered room and board as well). And before you say, he is a boy that makes it easier, keep in mind that girls from our studio experienced a similar track record--no room and board, but scholarships were available. From there, we selected the "best" school and sent him there--the result..an invitation to study in their year round program on scholarship. As far as a job, this school has an extremely high success rate when it comes to placing their "graduates". The cost for this placement was much less than the money that we spent on YAGP which, by the way, he also received scholarships through. As far as the "Elite International Competitions" the cost for participation in these are, on the conservative side $10,000 to a more realistic $40,000. If I were to consult my financial advisor, I am confident that he/she would steer me in the direction of the $25 Summer Intensive Audition.
Sometimes the placements at competitions make no sense and it's hard to explain that to a child. Especially, when your coach doesn't get it as well. I believe that politics are involved in a lot of competitions, and that is hard to swallow when it comes to our kids. Even when your child wins, they are subject to criticism and the inevitable (well, it's politics, or whatever argument/excuse can be made) and honestly, that may be the case--maybe politics works in my child's favor sometimes and against him at other times. I know for sure politics and the arts rarely make for good bedfellows.
So, with all of that being said...we are coming up on competition season and you will see my kiddos taking the stage. Shocking, I know. Let me tell you why...
1. My kids love it. The reality is that they will most likely never be principal dancers (statistically speaking) with internationally renowned ballet companies, but through participation in YAGP, and other such competitions, they are given the opportunity to perform variations that are traditionally reserved for professional dancers and feel the accolades of the crowd.
2. It is a growing experience. Having chosen an artistic endeavor vs. a sports endeavor, my kids would not have learned the value of competition. If they don't compete, they don't necessarily have the experience of working with a coach and taking ownership of their training, practicing and setting goals and then having an evaluation by an "impartial" panel of experts. There is value to these experiences.
3. I made the decision to get on the crazy train and it is hard to get off. Do you remember The Jetsons? I often feel like Geoge Jetson on the tread mill, screaming.."Jane, Get me off of this crazy thing!" I didn't realize that was the case when we decided to participate in our first competition 3 years ago, but, once you go, you feel a strong compulsion to go back. This is why professional athletes rarely heed the advice to "go out on top." Maybe we all are like Kevin Bacon, "Thank you, sir. May I have another?" fraternity pledge in Animal House. Apparently, a little hazing is good for the soul.
4. There is value to learning that life isn't fair and sometimes no matter how hard you work there is somebody better than you. Often, the student who competes is the best in their school. A little reality check can be therapeutic and to see that other dancers are talented to may encourage a student to work harder, get better training, or study harder in school. None of that is a bad thing.
5. I enjoy watching my children perform. This is my vanity speaking again. I admit it.
6. I love New York in Springtime. Each year, I get to take my children to the Big Apple and spend a week watching ballet. Not everybody's cup of tea I am sure, but, I like it!
7. I love meeting all of the aspiring professional dancers and their families throughout the world.
8. It forces me to be accountable and proactive with my children's training.
In short, the decision to compete is not one that really makes sense to anybody. Most of the parents I know whose kids do compete dislike the insanity; but, it is what it is. For the kids though, it is for the most part fun. It is challenging and it helps them grow. But, for the child who doesn't compete or make it to that all important competition, I would encourage the parent to keep perspective and realize that competitions are not companies; and many of the nations top companies don't approve of competitions. They see it as a distraction that takes away from the beauty and emphasizes tricks/showboating over art, musicality and grace. Competing by no means guarantees a professional career and not competing does not exclude one. There are, in fact, "many roads to Rome." The trick is to choose which lane has the smoothest ride for your vehicle.
Even the Sanest Loses Perspective...
I don't know what it is about dance that makes parents lose perspective; but, I see it happen on all levels, "Stage Mom/Daditis" seems to be indiscriminate in who it afflicts. It doesn't care if the parents are socialites, executives or working class--none of us seem to be immune.
For me, I try to remember that and talk myself off the ledge before I do something I regret. Trust me, it's a daily struggle. Like most parents, I wonder that my child has fallen out of favor with the instructor when the instructor pays more attention to another, I worry when I see her chatting in class or heaven forbid having any form of fun. Most of the time, I keep it in check. But, we all have those days...and those are the days that haunt me.
My Momma Rose moments always come when I do the following:
1. Listen to other parents about their own children's accomplishments and compare my kid's to theirs. This just taunts the green-eyed monster that lives inside.
2. Watch a rehearsal or class. No good can come from this. It seems like I always wind up questioning the teacher/artistic director's decisions when it comes to my kids. Why are they 3rd in line? Why are they not catching onto the choreography? Why does he let that goofy kid have the role, when my princess can do it so much better? It's an ugly/petty world that seems to build inside my head.
3. Failure to live in the now. This is a difficult one. It is important, that we are proactive with our child's dance education, but, when we spend too much time obsessing about the future and what steps they need to do to become the next Natalia Osipova/Gillian Murphy/Sterling Hyltin (insert your favorite dancer here), we become anxious. A ballet career is a marathon, so expecting miracles in a 90 minute class or even in a month is unrealistic.
4. Spend too much time thinking about the time or money I spend on my children's dancing. The first of the month is always a reality check when we pay bills. In that week, if my kiddo is feeling unmotivated, or complains, I find myself thinking that it is a good time to pack up our toys and go home and have a "normal life".
If you were to meet me, you would most likely see me as fairly pulled-together, patient, loving mother, but trust me there is crazy down there. When it comes to our kids, there is crazy in all of us. Most of us just try to keep it inside, when it gets out, we regret it. For myself, I have established the 24 hour rule before I complain to anybody else. It seems to keep me in check. What's your rule for keeping it together?
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Time to be Thankful
It's November and I have noticed that many of my Facebook friends are posting what they are grateful for. In the context of this blog, I thought that I would reflect on how grateful I am that my children have discovered ballet and wish to pursue it.
1. I am thankful that ballet inspires discipline. My children and their friends are some of the most self-disciplined, high achieving students I have ever met.
2. I am thankful to be surrounded by beauty every day, ballet dancers are physically fit, intelligent, kind (despite media portrayals to the contrary), well-groomed, and as politically incorrect as it might be to observe--they are gorgeous and in the case of the boys, handsome. The music is gorgeous and the environment of a healthy studio is supportive and friendly.
3. I am thankful that I have learned so much about the art and appreciate all artistic productions on a much deeper level--I no longer see a show as nice, I see tens of thousands of hours of love and inspiration invested in a production. It moves me.
4. I am thankful that a friend suggested that my kids participate in YAGP.... I bet you didn't see that one coming. Let me explain... I have no dance background whatsoever. I grew up in the Midwest and was in my late 20's before I ever saw a live ballet (Nutcracker, of course). As such, I saw dance lessons largely as a commodity; pretty much the same from studio to studio. Early on, I came to realize that not all dance studios were created equal; but, it took me six more years to understand the subtleties among training philosophies and how to identify the one that is best for my children (more on this later). I credit YAGP with helping me find the right fit for us.
5. Lastly, I am thankful for a loving husband that allows our children to pursue this interest. As the parents of two boys, both of us envisioned them dancing in the end zone after scoring the winning touchdown. It was a complete shock to both of us when the boys decided to pursue what we thought at the time was for girls. For us, it was a massive paradigm shift--but, now we embrace it and are thrilled to watch our children's accomplishments.
There is a lot more that I am thankful for in my "dance mom" life and maybe I will list some more before the end of the month. But for now, tell me...What are you thankful for?
1. I am thankful that ballet inspires discipline. My children and their friends are some of the most self-disciplined, high achieving students I have ever met.
2. I am thankful to be surrounded by beauty every day, ballet dancers are physically fit, intelligent, kind (despite media portrayals to the contrary), well-groomed, and as politically incorrect as it might be to observe--they are gorgeous and in the case of the boys, handsome. The music is gorgeous and the environment of a healthy studio is supportive and friendly.
3. I am thankful that I have learned so much about the art and appreciate all artistic productions on a much deeper level--I no longer see a show as nice, I see tens of thousands of hours of love and inspiration invested in a production. It moves me.
4. I am thankful that a friend suggested that my kids participate in YAGP.... I bet you didn't see that one coming. Let me explain... I have no dance background whatsoever. I grew up in the Midwest and was in my late 20's before I ever saw a live ballet (Nutcracker, of course). As such, I saw dance lessons largely as a commodity; pretty much the same from studio to studio. Early on, I came to realize that not all dance studios were created equal; but, it took me six more years to understand the subtleties among training philosophies and how to identify the one that is best for my children (more on this later). I credit YAGP with helping me find the right fit for us.
5. Lastly, I am thankful for a loving husband that allows our children to pursue this interest. As the parents of two boys, both of us envisioned them dancing in the end zone after scoring the winning touchdown. It was a complete shock to both of us when the boys decided to pursue what we thought at the time was for girls. For us, it was a massive paradigm shift--but, now we embrace it and are thrilled to watch our children's accomplishments.
There is a lot more that I am thankful for in my "dance mom" life and maybe I will list some more before the end of the month. But for now, tell me...What are you thankful for?
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
November is NUTTY!
It's November, so that means we are fully into Nutcracker nuttiness. There are rehearsals, ticket sales, picture days, volunteer meetings, unexpected rehearsals, the occasional sinus infection, and oh yeah, more rehearsals. Our Nutcracker is staged by a youth ballet--translation these are student performers, and the crew is a band of parent volunteers. It is indeed the best of times and worst of times. It is the best of times because it can be an incredible bonding experience and you make new friends and the students get an incredible opportunity to participate in this wonderful holiday tradition. It is the worst of times...because it is a production run by parent volunteers and few of us are professionals at staging a show, so we operate as best we can and learn a little more each year through the mistakes we made the preceding year. Oh, and since we are volunteers...
In the middle of all of that, we are supposed to continue with school, Thanksgiving holiday, Black Friday, and plan for Christmas. It's Nutty!
My mission today is to share some wisdom or at least my opinion on how to sail through this Nuttiness (is that a real word?).
1. With all due respect to REO Speedwagon...Roll with the Changes. Inherent in any performance are changes. Dancers get injured, people don't learn choreography and costumes don't fit, all of these things result in changes. Trust me, artistic directors don't like changing casting any more than we parents like it. But, sometimes they have to in order to make the production work. It is what it is and be prepared to roll with it.
2. You get out of it what you put into it. For parents who just drop their child off at the studio for their rehearsal and pick them up afterwards and do their minimum volunteer hours, and buy their minimum tickets--they will like the show. For the parent who participates in helping with costumes and volunteers backstage, and goes to the parent meetings, they will LOVE the show. They will make new friends. They will understand and appreciate how amazing it is to pull off a show with a band of volunteers. They will develop a greater appreciation of the arts and the next time they see a professional ballet, they will see it with a new set of eyes. They will understand the thousands of hours that have been poured into making the costumes, developing the synchronization of the corps, the beauty of the sets, and appreciate the glory of the full orchestra. In short, they will become art lovers.
3. Make Hay While the Sun Shines...Do not procrastinate. If you have an opportunity to knock out some holiday shopping today, do it! Schedule your hair cuts early. Do the holiday decorations over Thanksgiving. Encourage your kids to get a jump on homework. Stay on top of your laundry. Bake food early if you can. Trust me, you will be glad you did. Some youth ballets perform Nutcracker up through Christmas Eve. However late your school's performances go, you will find that your holidays are more frantic because of Nutcracker. So...BE PROACTIVE.
4. Get used to being a bridesmaid. The reality of ballet performances is that there for a girl, there are 3 plum roles that almost all little girls dream of being one day--Sugar Plum Fairy, Clara, and Snow Queen. The reality is most of our daughters will never get to hold these roles. Not because she is not talented enough, but because of any other number of reasons. The choreography doesn't suit her. The Cavalier is too short/too tall, she doesn't look like Fritz, the costume doesn't fit (it is a consideration when a tutu costs $1000+ or more), or she is too old/too young. The fact of the matter is, do your child a favor and celebrate the other exciting roles with them--to name just a few...Party Girl...(believe me...it's an honor), Kissey Doll, Mirlitons, Arabian Queen, Arabian Odalisque, Corps of Waltz of the Flowers or Snow...I hope you get the idea. Each one of these roles and many others are huge milestones in your child's training. Celebrate that the teacher thinks they are talented enough to pull it off.
There is a lot more I am sure that I can share, but I am going to follow rule number 3 and get some sleep while I can.
In the middle of all of that, we are supposed to continue with school, Thanksgiving holiday, Black Friday, and plan for Christmas. It's Nutty!
My mission today is to share some wisdom or at least my opinion on how to sail through this Nuttiness (is that a real word?).
1. With all due respect to REO Speedwagon...Roll with the Changes. Inherent in any performance are changes. Dancers get injured, people don't learn choreography and costumes don't fit, all of these things result in changes. Trust me, artistic directors don't like changing casting any more than we parents like it. But, sometimes they have to in order to make the production work. It is what it is and be prepared to roll with it.
2. You get out of it what you put into it. For parents who just drop their child off at the studio for their rehearsal and pick them up afterwards and do their minimum volunteer hours, and buy their minimum tickets--they will like the show. For the parent who participates in helping with costumes and volunteers backstage, and goes to the parent meetings, they will LOVE the show. They will make new friends. They will understand and appreciate how amazing it is to pull off a show with a band of volunteers. They will develop a greater appreciation of the arts and the next time they see a professional ballet, they will see it with a new set of eyes. They will understand the thousands of hours that have been poured into making the costumes, developing the synchronization of the corps, the beauty of the sets, and appreciate the glory of the full orchestra. In short, they will become art lovers.
3. Make Hay While the Sun Shines...Do not procrastinate. If you have an opportunity to knock out some holiday shopping today, do it! Schedule your hair cuts early. Do the holiday decorations over Thanksgiving. Encourage your kids to get a jump on homework. Stay on top of your laundry. Bake food early if you can. Trust me, you will be glad you did. Some youth ballets perform Nutcracker up through Christmas Eve. However late your school's performances go, you will find that your holidays are more frantic because of Nutcracker. So...BE PROACTIVE.
4. Get used to being a bridesmaid. The reality of ballet performances is that there for a girl, there are 3 plum roles that almost all little girls dream of being one day--Sugar Plum Fairy, Clara, and Snow Queen. The reality is most of our daughters will never get to hold these roles. Not because she is not talented enough, but because of any other number of reasons. The choreography doesn't suit her. The Cavalier is too short/too tall, she doesn't look like Fritz, the costume doesn't fit (it is a consideration when a tutu costs $1000+ or more), or she is too old/too young. The fact of the matter is, do your child a favor and celebrate the other exciting roles with them--to name just a few...Party Girl...(believe me...it's an honor), Kissey Doll, Mirlitons, Arabian Queen, Arabian Odalisque, Corps of Waltz of the Flowers or Snow...I hope you get the idea. Each one of these roles and many others are huge milestones in your child's training. Celebrate that the teacher thinks they are talented enough to pull it off.
There is a lot more I am sure that I can share, but I am going to follow rule number 3 and get some sleep while I can.
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