"I Just Wanna Dance"

My daughter has started to go through pointe shoes more often, and that means that I now try to keep two pair in her bag (new pair and an old pair). This means I spend a lot more time and money in the dance store.  One day, I was talking to a young girl (age 13 or 14)  in the dance store about dancing.  After we had made the usual ballet small talk about where she trained and her favorite type of dancing (ballet), I asked her if she had a particular company in mind where she wanted to dance.  She looked at me quizzically, and said, "I just wanna dance?"

That's it, isn't it?  The reality is that a dancer doesn't care about the company or its location.  They just "wanna dance."  Don't misunderstand, they want to be compensated and they want to work in a community that supports the arts.  But, given the choice between dancing or not they will take dancing any day.

I think it is parents with our real-world concerns that tend to worry about whether they wind up on the stages in Europe, at Lincoln Center, or working in Small-Town North Dakota. In reality, these concerns are kind of silly.  For most kids, they will have a professional career that ends in their mid-twenties.  If it means that they only make $300 a week is that really so bad?  Presumably, they don't have a family to support; and if they are with a smaller company that pays less, they have time to go to college or get a part-time job or both.  So, if they don't make six-figures with profit sharing and pension, is it a big deal if they are happy?

I understand parents that would object to this as a profession if that means that the parents have to support their child.  But, if their child is living independently and this is their passion, then any amount of money they are paid seems like it ought to be worthwhile.

I spend far too much time worrying about my children's career and planning it out.  The truth is my kids are thrilled with the journey.  They celebrate their milestones and improvements every day.  They love every moment that they get with their teachers, they love the time spent with their friends in the studios and they love being able to apply corrections and improve in small increments every day.  They don't care what they are doing in three, five, or fifteen years.  They are happy in the now.  I could learn a lot from them.

In the end, there are so many things that are outside of my control, that all of my worry and concern is absurd.  All it does is aggravate my kids, my husband and create a lot of anxiety in me.  Anxiety that is often manifested as CRAZY BALLET MOM my unfortunate alter ego; who behaves badly because of pettiness and jealousy.

If this is a journey, I should it treat it as such, here are my new rules for survival:

1. Figure out the destination.  Do my children want to dance professionally? Is this their extra-curricular until college?  Are they just trying it out to see if they like it?   I haven't asked them recently.

2. Set some benchmarks along the way, must sees and must dos.  What are the things that they want to get out of their dance education?  Ask them the question, if they had to give up dancing tomorrow, next year or in five years what are the things that they would regret not doing.  Put those on their dance "bucket list."

3. Plan the day's journey.  Figure out what you need to do this year to give them the best chance to achieve their destination.  Set those goals and let them work to achieve them.

4. Assess tomorrow's route at the end of today.  Don't worry about what happens next year.  If you have done step 3 then step 4 will take care of itself.  Going too far in the future just confuses the present and keeps everybody from enjoying the journey.

5. Enjoy the journey.  Celebrate the journey.  Enjoy the little milestones, the new roles in Nutcracker, going on pointe, getting to go to a summer intensive.  All of these are significant milestones in a dancers career, celebrate them!

Sometimes it takes another person to give you perspective and cause you to pause and reassess how you do things.  These are blessings in life.  I welcome those opportunities as they teach me a great deal. Who would have thought a chance conversation with a little girl in a dance store, could teach me so much?  Perhaps the moral of the story is "Listen to wisdom, you never know where it might be." or for those of you who didn't need that reminder..."Always buy a spare pair of pointe shoes when you get down to one pair."